8th of February

First of all...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Yep! It's my birthday and that morning, the sun was shining! There's something about the sun in that morning that was so delightful – so optimistic. I love it when it's beautiful on my birthday!

Who would have thought, I would make it this far and have such an adventure on the way. I almost achieved and received everything I wanted and a little more.

I suppose I’ll have to edit my resumè and strikeout the 22 and make it 23, but seeing the numbers on my age quickly climb leaves me feeling a little “old”. Can’t I just refuse to grow up, or at least stop my age from adding? Guess that’s childish thinking, huh?

So as I watched the clock strike midnight I thought, "Well, 23, here you are and you caught up to me!” It felt weird and all good at the same time. Having never thought that 22 years will just pass in a blink of an eye, and that was a good 22 years I have left behind. It feels pretty good.

Today it is my brother's birthday too. Why? That’s because we are twins.

I am 23 and all I can do is make the best of the life that I have. I need to be easier on myself, be more forgiving to myself, and have more fun! I don't play nearly enough. I don't want to get so caught up in the worrying. There is just no time for that. I hope I can take my own advice this time!

Again...

P.S Thanks a million for your birthday presents: Mr TJH, Mr YCH, Miss WSM, Bosch, and Miss WHY. And to my Baby, I Love You.

How do you celebrate your birthdays? Did you feel as though your life was shortened when you heard the words "Happy Birthday"?

Procrastination... Wishing I Wasn't Good At It

I have never had a to-do list and if I did nothing would be checked. As far back as I can recall I have never had a hard time getting things done, and doing it timely. Nonetheless, although I seem to do my best work under pressure it certainly causes me undue stress.

The old self of mine, has no problem turning the starter key and get going with what I planned to do, with ease. In recent times, it has been a very much different scenario. Things don’t seem to be going my way. Sometimes, I find it hard just to get things going, or worse, to continue where I have left off previously.

I began to notice that even exciting good things would be put off to the side, to be forgotten about, and at my worst, missed. I find it hard to just start. But once I get the momentum going, I am good. I wonder why I had become like this. I so want to change.

I have started making small lists of things to do which on occasion has helped me move along. I am better at getting things done for others when I am given a set deadline but without that I am donning the crown of procrastination king yet again.

Do you procrastinate? Are you too good at it? Have you been able to change your ways? If so... how?

What's That Smell?

** "First and foremost, sorry for not writing, sorry for not keeping my blog updated. Have been really busy this week due to my internship, which caused me the mood to write. A thousand apologies to you guys who have been hanging around so long for me to update."

When I was doing some shopping that day, suddenly, a very familiar smell struck me. It was pleasant indeed, and trust me; it triggered back a lot of fond memories from the past. But, mind you, there is one hiccup! I can’t remember from when, where, and who that smell existed, I mean from my past. Even after some long reflections, I just can’t figure it out.

Throughout my life, I have always had a heightened sense of smell. And that sense, in particular, has always been very connected to my memory.

Some of my favorite smells are my shampoo, freshly cut grass, freshly baked pizzas (*lol*), fresh linens, and my dad's cooking (Oh! How I miss it), and most of all, the smell of her. Some of the smells I hate are cigarette smoke, exhaust gas, the inside of a hospital as well as the more obvious ones!

Whenever I enter a room, or my car, or even outside, it’s often the first question I ask. And depending on what it is, I will be flooded with memories.

I remember when I go to the dentist for my braces checkups, the second I enter the building, the smell nearly knocks me down, the familiarity of it.

By the same token, though, the smell of my dad’s cologne lingering in the house after he leaves for work (that was many years back) makes me smile and feel a comfort. When I was growing up, my grandma made bread dipped in beaten eggs every Sunday. I miss that smell too.

Sometimes, during my anxious moments, I would bring something with me that smelled good to me, like a piece of cloth doused with my favorite scent. It helped me to deal with the anxiety and worry that surrounds me in the atmosphere. Sometimes it worked and other times it didn't, but I felt it was worth a try.

Do you find that certain smells trigger your memory? If so what are they? How do you deal with those smells that trigger unpleasant memories?

New Year's Resolutions. Do You Make Them?

It is hard to believe that in a couple of weeks’ time, it will be Chinese New Year; it will be goodbye to Cow and hello to Tiger. As this time rolls around I always think about new beginnings and a fresh start.

One thing I seldom do is make resolutions (Chinese New Year's resolutions, to be exact). I never have, but it’s for a reason. I think if I were to make a resolution, I would not stick to it. Then again, it is hard for me to stick to anything lately. Nonetheless, I do think about changes I want to make in my life and wishes I have for the New Year.

Looking forward, I wish for more peace in my life, more fun, less stress (don't we all) and to worry much less than I do. I want to get organised and really clean out stuff, not just physical things but the stuff in my mind that often holds me back. And that will be the hardest part.

I want to spend more time doing what makes me happy and brings out my creativity. I don't want to take things for granted. I don't want to relearn lessons from the past. I want to leave the past in its place, where it belongs.

This list is a work in progress for me. I need to make a vision board as a daily reminder of the places I intent to go.

Do you make resolutions? Are you willing to go to high heights just to achieve what’s in your resolution?

Age is Catching Up

I am going to age myself with this post but here goes! As I approach my 23rd birthday next month, (did I just say that?!) I can't help but to reflect on my life, ponder over years gone by. Almost a quarter of a decade is upon me. It is both exciting and boring at the same time. Boring, in the sense that, it will be another year ahead, just like all the 22 years that had passed.

I was driving to work, for the umpteenth time, this morning, and it got me to thinking about my teens. As I watched the boys and girls go to school, that was when I thought about how I wouldn't want to be in my teen anymore.

But, that doesn’t mean I hate my teenage life, or I hate schooling. I enjoyed my schooldays just as much as I enjoyed everyday of my life. Just that, when you know that you’ll have to wake up early for school, and there would be homework everyday and exams every month, all those just killed off the excitement of going to school.

My teenage brings a lot of fond memories back to me. It’s a stage in my life where I had lessons on how to accept and face nature’s most extraordinary sentiments: success and defeat.

I do regard teenage, for that matter, as a “teacher” who prepares me for my many years ahead. Success is not a matter of being the best and wining the race. Success is a matter of handling the worst and finishing the race.

Back to my topic. Today I feel like I am doing what I have always been meant to do. Being an undergraduate and having the opportunity to study what I think I like are what I feel excited about doing. I have more clarity these days, I take better care of myself, I enjoy more of the quiet moments.

Do you miss your 20's? If you could turn back the clock would you ever go back? What do you like more about yourself now? What do you feel has shaped you into who you are today?